Days they go so fast

So it is the anniversary of my first birth. I won't say how old my birth certificate indicates. Paperwork nessesary to excist in this time period states that I am 43. Although, people are starting to notice that I don't look near that age, so soon I will have to rework it. I'll write more later.....

Some of my experiences

I am going to start a new blog about some of the exeriences my master and I have had over the years. I don't know how it will turn out.... Hell, I may not even get three entries in it before I tire of it altogether.

After all.....I AM a vampire!

How old ARE you?

My master works at an old age home (assisted living facility.) He has for as long as I have known him. He loves it. He enjoys talking, listening to stories and reminiscing about days gone by. I tried working there, but I couldn't handle it. I see the sad loneliness, he sees historical triumph. I see what I should look and feel like, he sees his victory over age. Truth be told, I should have been pushing up daises many years ago and don't get me started on how old he is. Why hang out near the cemetery, when you can be near the strip club (theater, art gallery, night club, mall, etc.) I crave vibrant, pulsating life. To "plug in" and drain life arouses me. I guess because he is much older than I, he needs less. If I am not draining, working on draining or gloating over a draining, I am hollow. Reading this I realize I sound shallow, but try floating on rubber raft, then jump in.

They are starting again....

It's a reaccuring dream/thought pattern. I go back in time to warn myself about certain people and events. On other occations, I have gone back to when I was about 16 years old. But this time, I was 13. Before sex, drugs and impatience took over. That's when my family and I moved to Virginia Beach and I was so lonely I feared I was going to die. I had been so excited moving from a boring town in Missouri, to exotic Va. Beach! So many things didn't occur to me until we had settled in and I had a chance to really think about what the move was. A new life. Oh, if only I could go back for a couple of hours, sit at the end of my bed and have a heart to heart talk with myself. Show me how each of my decisions effected me and warn myself to stay away from the two exhusbands and find my master. He was only living a few miles from me, although older and worldy. Weep with myself as I tell her about the child I had to bury, the illnesses I endured, how smoking ruined my singing in high school and the horrible way I lost my precious flower. I would make her write everything I said down and swear that she will follow my instructions for getting to my master. During that time, he needed me. He still needs me, I guess. I wish I knew how or why. We never did have our ceramony...just didn't do it. I have given up on it. He doesn't show much interest in me. Who can blame him, I don't much interest in life. Wow, this is depressing.
I have taken to reading and rereading things I have written. Over and over, obsessing. Trying to find something of myself in my writing. Trying to generate something worthy of my master and my life. I may write more about this....blog blog blog.
Oh to have been ushered into darkness before the heartaches and physical damage! But alas, I wasn't brought over until I gave birth 5 times and had major stomach surgery rendering me gastly to gaze upon. No matter how many times I dye my hair it comes right back to the color.
Listen to me!!!! Here I am, an immortal and all I can think about is undoing my mistakes. But all of the mistakes I have made are part of who I am. So I guess what I am saying is I don't like who I am. Well, that's bullshit. Yes, I have been weak, and yes I have been impatient...and yes I have made some horrible decisions in my life. But I have made some good ones too and deciding to mate for all eternity with my master is my best decision!!!! Shake yourself, this is just a ghost haunting you.

Small Update

Since I last wrote, Master has come out of the spell and is more attentive than ever.



I have been asked on numerous occasions what my opinion was of Twilight and the other waves of vampire-like movies, books, television shows etc. I miss the days when we were simply feared. With the prolification of sudo-vampiric media outlets, our mystic is gone. It saddens me a bit. Master and I do collect "vampire" movies. I have read a couple of vampire-themed books. I have even started writing a book about our experiences, but as I get into it, I wonder how much to devolge. We are not like others, and the way we move through this world would frighten many.

Just saying.

Alone

My master is pulling away from me. The time came and went for our blood shedding ceramony, but we didn't perform it. I guess he isn't interested in renewing our commitment to each other. And in typical vampire nature, he won't talk. He stares off past me. I feel him pulling away and all I can do is let him. I can't hold him, the bond we share is his to keep or brake. He is my master. All my strength and power as a vampire is deeply connected to him. If he severs it, I will be nothing. I would like to say that I could survive without him, but the truth is I will parish if he turns me out or worse he passes out of this world. I am not afraid to parish, I've done it before. Saddness and dispair washes over me now.



Funny thing is, we were fine until last Monday. It was the anniversary of his mortal birth and he got a phone call from an old (feme fatal) lover. She just called to wish him well, but there is something more to it, ther often is. She is evil in a form that is best left in the depths of hell. She is a witch, yes a witch. And you ask, why would a vampire get involved with a witch? She put a spell (yes a real spell) on him and to this day she can conjure up false feeling from him that confuse and weaken him.

I love this blog! No one reads it and I can vent and process freely. Now that I have figured out what is going on, I can combat it. So why post it? Because I can.

Another Year

It is now time for my master and I to celebrate our annual blood shedding. I have been craving this for months now.


I wonder where we have all gone. I don't see our kind much anymore. I know my master and I have shaken off numerous attempts by individuals who want us. They have discovered what we are, and want us for various reasons. Several want us to join in their "cause" for an upcoming war. What they don't understand is, we outlast wars and human conflicts by rising to another level beyond anything they can possibly imagine. Our kind have no business in affairs in this time, or any time really. I have yet heard an argument that has moved me to take up arms for war. Silly folks, it doesn't matter who wins any conflict, we are still in command of our world. I realize I usually sound weak in this blog, but that is only because no one ever reads this. I can not tell you who and how powerful my master and I really are.


I do enjoy toying with humans by trying to "fit in," especially on the wanna-be vampire websites. "Oh, I am so sad, no one understands me.....my eyes have changed.....I hear a strange language.....blah, blah, blah, fuckin, blah!!!" Yes, my eyes did change, yes, I do hear an ancient language, and yes, no one understands me....life is great! And you know what else? Vampires are prone to fits of rage, joy, saddness, glorious highs, and times of nothing. Abosolute nothingness. Hollow shells, waiting to be filled and yet.....


what do you exspect, I'm a vampire!