Small Update

Since I last wrote, Master has come out of the spell and is more attentive than ever.



I have been asked on numerous occasions what my opinion was of Twilight and the other waves of vampire-like movies, books, television shows etc. I miss the days when we were simply feared. With the prolification of sudo-vampiric media outlets, our mystic is gone. It saddens me a bit. Master and I do collect "vampire" movies. I have read a couple of vampire-themed books. I have even started writing a book about our experiences, but as I get into it, I wonder how much to devolge. We are not like others, and the way we move through this world would frighten many.

Just saying.

Alone

My master is pulling away from me. The time came and went for our blood shedding ceramony, but we didn't perform it. I guess he isn't interested in renewing our commitment to each other. And in typical vampire nature, he won't talk. He stares off past me. I feel him pulling away and all I can do is let him. I can't hold him, the bond we share is his to keep or brake. He is my master. All my strength and power as a vampire is deeply connected to him. If he severs it, I will be nothing. I would like to say that I could survive without him, but the truth is I will parish if he turns me out or worse he passes out of this world. I am not afraid to parish, I've done it before. Saddness and dispair washes over me now.



Funny thing is, we were fine until last Monday. It was the anniversary of his mortal birth and he got a phone call from an old (feme fatal) lover. She just called to wish him well, but there is something more to it, ther often is. She is evil in a form that is best left in the depths of hell. She is a witch, yes a witch. And you ask, why would a vampire get involved with a witch? She put a spell (yes a real spell) on him and to this day she can conjure up false feeling from him that confuse and weaken him.

I love this blog! No one reads it and I can vent and process freely. Now that I have figured out what is going on, I can combat it. So why post it? Because I can.

Another Year

It is now time for my master and I to celebrate our annual blood shedding. I have been craving this for months now.


I wonder where we have all gone. I don't see our kind much anymore. I know my master and I have shaken off numerous attempts by individuals who want us. They have discovered what we are, and want us for various reasons. Several want us to join in their "cause" for an upcoming war. What they don't understand is, we outlast wars and human conflicts by rising to another level beyond anything they can possibly imagine. Our kind have no business in affairs in this time, or any time really. I have yet heard an argument that has moved me to take up arms for war. Silly folks, it doesn't matter who wins any conflict, we are still in command of our world. I realize I usually sound weak in this blog, but that is only because no one ever reads this. I can not tell you who and how powerful my master and I really are.


I do enjoy toying with humans by trying to "fit in," especially on the wanna-be vampire websites. "Oh, I am so sad, no one understands me.....my eyes have changed.....I hear a strange language.....blah, blah, blah, fuckin, blah!!!" Yes, my eyes did change, yes, I do hear an ancient language, and yes, no one understands me....life is great! And you know what else? Vampires are prone to fits of rage, joy, saddness, glorious highs, and times of nothing. Abosolute nothingness. Hollow shells, waiting to be filled and yet.....


what do you exspect, I'm a vampire!

Come and Gone

Well, Halloween has come and gone. Whatever. We went to a large event and I 'let my fangs down' and scared a few. I had a separate work event and dressed as a black cat.

My master let me feed over the weekend. It had been so long, I caused damage. Nothing long term, we heal well.

.........

I have decided that there are no websites out there worth a real vampire's time. I have given up on them. I will limit my posts to this blog, since I can't offend, bother, cause anyone to have to think on here. No one reads me here. It saddens me a little, but I was brought into my life by one person who is my life and my eternal love, so all is well.

Rejected

In my search for intelligent forms of vampire life, I found a forum that I thought held some promise. But alas, I mention my eyes changing and the strange language in my thought process, and I get band. Apparently I don't fit into any of their boxes. That's typical. They only wanted folks on the site who pretend to be a vampire, not an actual vampire. This is the very reason we are supposed to live outside of the mainstream. Yes, there is a mainstream in the "vampire community." Only it isn't the real vampire community, it's a comical facade. Real vampires end up like me and my master, living on the edge and between two societies, human and sudo-vampire. Well, good for them! They recognized a real vampire and it scared them.

I am so glad no one ever reads this. I stopped biting, but I still hunger. My master has lost interest in feeding me. He says I don't behave long enough, but how can I?

I was laid-off from work for 2 1/2 months during the summer, but because a co-worker is out with breast cancer, they asked me to come back for 2 months, as a temp. So I am here, with a "TEMP" attitude, wondering how long this will last? To honest, I don't want to be here anymore. My co-workers are all glad to have be back, but it hurt so deeply when I was laid-off that I am now distancing myself, putting my shielding just get through the day.

I have noticed that my eyes have changed over the past few years and I found a website (I DID HAVE A WEBSITE HERE, BUT THEY HAVE BANDED ME) that explained why....brace yourself.....because I am a vampire! Look at these BEFORE and AFTER awakening pics. The before picture is the one with greenish-hazel eye. The after picture is the one with grey-greenish with the dark circle around the iris. The dark circle is a marker.

It Goes On

I am worn. Don't tell anyone, but I have taken to biting myself, just to feel...in my skin. I feel like I have been put in a corner and told to sit still; in a cosmic time-out, so to speak. This is so hard to describe. I feel disconnected to my body, my mind, my soul, my heart, my master. I seem to be floating, just near myself, but not in me. I struggle to even hear my ancient language. Nothing...I hear nothing. I am nothing. It is like my world has cast me off, banded me from me. Part of it is that I haven't fed in awhile...but there is more to it. People talk to me, they don't make sense. Events take place, I don't feel part of them. All I seem to feel is hunger...but I am not allowed to feed. I am on the verge of a vampiric slumber...I've had them before, but this pull is stronger, forcing me down into nothing. The only thing that keeps me going is my love for my master. He is my life, my reason for being. I love him so completely. I wish he would let me feed...