Roll 'Em Out!!!

It is time to move on. The witch we have been concerned about has moved into our town. We had fled her awhile back after her constant attempts to control/manipulate us became too much to bare. Now we have real evidence that she has bored of her resent victimizes and has decided to come at us again.

It think our mistake was not moving far enough away. We won't make that mistake again. As much as we love our view of the Atlantic Ocean, we are looking to the Pacific coast. Or Japan, I like Japan.

If This is my last entry, you know why.......

I am nearing my end. If I don't feed soon, I will be a dead vampire.

You may ask, "Aren't you already dead?"

Good question, glad you asked.

Yes, I am dead. But my body keeps moving and my soul lingers. Soon that will no longer be the case.

Plus, there are rumors of an impending visit to our area from a REAL wicked witch. In fact, THE witch. The one that caused so much destruction in our lives that we moved sooner than we had planned. Her spells bring agony to all, so, yea we will on covert operations for the next few days. In addition, she has joined forces with the witch that spawned her so their spectrum of disorder will be greater. Our intelligence tells us they will simply be here for a vacation. These two have already been warned by higher powers to not have contact with other-kind. We will see.

Now more than ever, I need to FEED!!! I cannot combat this raw evil without the strength of blood. I realize most would say we are the evil ones. However physically and spiritually speaking, our cosmic footprint [to coin a phrase] is slight compared to the willful destruction that falls in their wake.

If this is my last entry, you know why. Find our kind and let them know. Be careful. These two are not to taken lightly.

Amouz-Bouche

That's all I ask. A taste.

I smell you!

You think by putting on perfume or hiding behind the stench of body odor I won't smell you, you're wrong. I smell you. Your thick, delicious, nutritious blood coursing through those wicked veins tease my senses to no end. Beyond hunger, after starvation, well into wasting into nothing is were I smell you. Nothing but blood.... Truly, it's all I see, hear, smell, and oh my...if only I could taste it! I get so jealous of the characters in my movie collection, in the books I read, as I stare lustily at my master. When? I have turned a shade of purple that has become noticeable to humans. My sunglasses are to keep out far more than light. I am terrifying to behold now. And tonight we will be out in and among hundreds of tourists, I feel like..... Fear for us all.

Blood on the fang? No....not yet...

I am so angry I am having trouble focusing...

Master
humans
myself
humans
hunger
witches

I still haven't fed. If he would let me feed, I would recover quicker from my burning. But NO. My master clearly has fed and without me. My patience is at an end. that's it. I am going to feed. I don't know how or when, but I will. After all, he feels he can, why can't I? I'll tell you why, I don't cheat. I don't feed without his permission. I don't have relations with anyone but my master. I don't betray him. That's just a fact. I fuss and fume. I rattle my cage with a rage that boils deep inside me. I feel like I am going to explode. I catch myself "chewing" on myself. Yes. Okay, you do better. You walk around hearing human's hearts pumping that delicious life-giving juice that, if you were allowed to enjoy, would not only bring back your strength, beauty and drive but as you know bring an overwhelming release....try going without for so long that you wonder if you are still on this planet. You watch as everyone else around you eats/drinks to their hearts content while you sit on your hands, powerless. I am a monster, damn it! Why do I feel like a f^cking rabbit????? And where do the stinking witches come from? I realize they can sense our powers.... and their desire is to enslave a vampire master..... I want to drain them all.

Yes, My Trip Has Been Delayed

As with most of my bodily experiences on this planet, my plans are not what will actually happen. I had my trip figured out when I saw that stupid commercial for the sunscreen. But even before that, Master had doubts as to whether a trip during summer was a good idea. We normally go into a sort of hibernation so our chance of exposure is minimized. Usually that involves only going out for work (although I was laid off last summer...I keep hoping they will do that again. I am so tired of working for humans I could strike!) and hanging out in our top floor condo facing the ocean. We have thick dark drapes that keep that damned ball of gas from shining in, but in the evenings we enjoy watching the moon rise over the ocean, beautiful.

You may have noticed that I haven't mentioned my master much lately. I am angry at him. Not in the oh you left the refrigerator door open and my bag of juice spoiled mad, I am angry. He hasn't allowed me to feed in months now, but I see stains on the corner of his mouth. There is a churning deep inside...I feel his breaking from me ever since we hadn't performed our ceremony. Just when I think I cannot handle going without feeding, being pushed to my limit....

OH, and it feel like 95 degrees to humans, but I am chilled to the bone. I NEED TO FEED!!! [sigh] My flesh is ice cold to the touch, what blood is still running through my veins is purple, sluggish and void of life-force.

The sun is SO my enemy!!!

I watched a television commercial for a sunscreen that claims to be 100spf and I thought I would try it. After all, it had been ages since I had been out in the sunlight. But alas, I am toasted. After following the instructions on the container, I ventured outside...in the daylight. I will say that it was the longest I have been able to stay in direct sunlight without the aide of a large brim hat, long sleeve blouse, long slacks, covered shoes, very dark sunglasses and an umbrella. I lasted 5 minutes before my flesh started burning and another 4 minutes until I could smell skin roasting. Burning flesh is NOT a good scent. Perhaps it might work on cloudy days, but full sun is out of the question. This burning will take awhile to heal.

I guess the question is.....Why put myself in such danger? Good question, thank you for asking!

My response.... this human thing pisses me off. I know coming through gives us gifts that most minds wouldn't be able to comprehend, but I still feel the need to push the laws of nature... or maybe it's a self destructive tendency. Or more than likely it has to do with all of the concessions my mind has had to accept. Bacon, anybody?

No more protection

Once I have said this, I will not, can not take it back. So here it is:

I will no longer offer and give protection to ANY human.

There, done. You humans only repay my protection with hate. So what if my protection requires me to do things that your squeamish stomach can't handle. Who stinking cares if I do what only comes natural to me now.

You are food. Ranchers don't name their cattle, farmers don't name their fields of corn. And I don't care about human souls.

My need to blend in to society is not that great. I may work for you, but I am no longer loyal to you. I will even feed on you if the hunger strikes. Despise is the word that comes to mind when I think about how tolerant I have been over the years, but no more. I wash my hands of all humans. I will be going on a trip. First stop, Amsterdam! Then over to Japan to visit some non-humans I haven't seen in ages. Finally, a short stop in England to pick up a snack. Don't bother trying to search for me, I don't travel like humans do.

In case you are wondering, I have lost what remaining humanity for which I clung. Starvation does that to a vampire. Humans are food and I am hungry.

Less and Less Attached...

The hollowness is growing, but I have come to a level of numbness to this vacancy that the feeling is comforting. Darkness has become my security blanket. Most of the time I don't bother with lights. I shower in the dark, read with minimum illumination. The only way I can even function here at work is by making my workspace into a cave.


[I am in the process of purging my older drafts and thought I'd go ahead and post this one. It is incomplete, but I want to post it anyway. And after all, no reads this so who cares? Original date: 4/??/2010]

Seeing them go...

Every now and again the reality of my existence overwhelms me. Knowing that I will never see certain loved ones ever again empties what is left off my sanity and soul. Yes, I have my master and I love him dearly. But as the children I mothered disappear and their children gone, I feel like what humanity I had in me goes with them. Master still has living kin, he even sees them. However, I will not see mine...ever...again. That causes me to allow the monster that I truly am rule over me. I am no longer the sweet loving person I once was, I am the creature who cares for no one, loves no one, cherishes no one. Yes, I am hollow. Yes, I am lost to the darkness. And it is only a matter of time before Master gazes into my empty eyes for the last time and casts me deep into the night, forever. I am not the woman he fell in love with. Without anything or anyone to keep me human, I am repulsive.

Yet, there is this need to exsist. I don't want to have it. In all creatures this drive to continue on. So as long as my master will put up with me, I will go on. But I know that time is coming, I see signs of it even now. He won't let me feed, not really feed. I get "snacks" every now and again. But full blood feedings have stopped. By ignoring our ceremony that binds us together, he has told me that he is releasing me. OH, he hasn't said aloud, but keeping his back to me most of the time and choosing to do ANYTHING but be in me...He doesn't take care of me...take care of the needs that HE created...
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Christmas morning. Child received a puppy. It is cute and lovable. Yes, it pees on the carpet, but it makes up for it by being so adorable. It follows the child everywhere, just overjoyed to be in the child's presence. But as time goes on, the puppy grows and changes. But because the child didn't bother to fully train the puppy, it is now a large unruly animal with very destructive characteristics. It stopped peeing on the carpet, but it now chews everything. The child's favorite toys and clothing, even a treasured doll is stained with dog slobber. So the child makes the animal an outside pet. But the dog doesn't understand why. The only thing the child told the mammal not to do was pee on the carpet, now she is relegated to the backyard. She no longer gets the attention and love that was, at first, showered on her. Ripped from her mother's teet, and made into a pet, she now can't understand why her master shuns her and treats her like an annoyance and a burden. Cold and hungry, she slowly wastes away into a ravenous creature whose hunger and pain overpowers her and she strikes out at her master or anyone who tries to care for her.

Details

In my other blog, I detailed our account of what happened to the bad guy. But as you read, you will notice that he was only a small problem that will lead to much bigger situation. This is why we, as a general rule, don't get involved in matters of society or government. They only shed light on what needs to remain hidden.

Corey and other stuff

Corey Haim died. I was never a big fan, but he played in a movie I liked. Of course, I might have liked him more if he didn't play a vampire hunter. But that's the thing, people come in and out of our lives and for the most part, they leave little if any foot prints. Like Corey, I didn't know him, or a fan of his, but I will still mourn him. He was only 38. Peace.

_________________________

So, I mentioned that we went hunting the other evening. A villian needed vanquishing. I have written about it in my other blog.

It's coming

We will go hunting this evening. My hunger is too great. Master hasn't allowed me to feed in awhile. I am tired of behaving, being obedient. I want to rant, rave, scream! Bubbling just under the surface is a massive hunger, pleading with my sanity to let it loose. Oh, to run my nails over skin, feeling for a major artery. To reach over and kiss that tender soft covering. Brushing my lips across, feeling my prey's body arch and hear them softly moan. Not fully knowing how far I will take them. Smelling the excitement and fear coming out of every pore. Teasing myself in anticipation for the feasting. Forget about donors or volunteers, they don't taste right. I crave the raw, evil that can only come from night's host. They have decided to enter into our domain, they beg to be drained.

Days they go so fast

So it is the anniversary of my first birth. I won't say how old my birth certificate indicates. Paperwork nessesary to excist in this time period states that I am 43. Although, people are starting to notice that I don't look near that age, so soon I will have to rework it. I'll write more later.....

Some of my experiences

I am going to start a new blog about some of the exeriences my master and I have had over the years. I don't know how it will turn out.... Hell, I may not even get three entries in it before I tire of it altogether.

After all.....I AM a vampire!

How old ARE you?

My master works at an old age home (assisted living facility.) He has for as long as I have known him. He loves it. He enjoys talking, listening to stories and reminiscing about days gone by. I tried working there, but I couldn't handle it. I see the sad loneliness, he sees historical triumph. I see what I should look and feel like, he sees his victory over age. Truth be told, I should have been pushing up daises many years ago and don't get me started on how old he is. Why hang out near the cemetery, when you can be near the strip club (theater, art gallery, night club, mall, etc.) I crave vibrant, pulsating life. To "plug in" and drain life arouses me. I guess because he is much older than I, he needs less. If I am not draining, working on draining or gloating over a draining, I am hollow. Reading this I realize I sound shallow, but try floating on rubber raft, then jump in.

They are starting again....

It's a reaccuring dream/thought pattern. I go back in time to warn myself about certain people and events. On other occations, I have gone back to when I was about 16 years old. But this time, I was 13. Before sex, drugs and impatience took over. That's when my family and I moved to Virginia Beach and I was so lonely I feared I was going to die. I had been so excited moving from a boring town in Missouri, to exotic Va. Beach! So many things didn't occur to me until we had settled in and I had a chance to really think about what the move was. A new life. Oh, if only I could go back for a couple of hours, sit at the end of my bed and have a heart to heart talk with myself. Show me how each of my decisions effected me and warn myself to stay away from the two exhusbands and find my master. He was only living a few miles from me, although older and worldy. Weep with myself as I tell her about the child I had to bury, the illnesses I endured, how smoking ruined my singing in high school and the horrible way I lost my precious flower. I would make her write everything I said down and swear that she will follow my instructions for getting to my master. During that time, he needed me. He still needs me, I guess. I wish I knew how or why. We never did have our ceramony...just didn't do it. I have given up on it. He doesn't show much interest in me. Who can blame him, I don't much interest in life. Wow, this is depressing.
I have taken to reading and rereading things I have written. Over and over, obsessing. Trying to find something of myself in my writing. Trying to generate something worthy of my master and my life. I may write more about this....blog blog blog.
Oh to have been ushered into darkness before the heartaches and physical damage! But alas, I wasn't brought over until I gave birth 5 times and had major stomach surgery rendering me gastly to gaze upon. No matter how many times I dye my hair it comes right back to the color.
Listen to me!!!! Here I am, an immortal and all I can think about is undoing my mistakes. But all of the mistakes I have made are part of who I am. So I guess what I am saying is I don't like who I am. Well, that's bullshit. Yes, I have been weak, and yes I have been impatient...and yes I have made some horrible decisions in my life. But I have made some good ones too and deciding to mate for all eternity with my master is my best decision!!!! Shake yourself, this is just a ghost haunting you.