Blood on the fang? No....not yet...

I am so angry I am having trouble focusing...

Master
humans
myself
humans
hunger
witches

I still haven't fed. If he would let me feed, I would recover quicker from my burning. But NO. My master clearly has fed and without me. My patience is at an end. that's it. I am going to feed. I don't know how or when, but I will. After all, he feels he can, why can't I? I'll tell you why, I don't cheat. I don't feed without his permission. I don't have relations with anyone but my master. I don't betray him. That's just a fact. I fuss and fume. I rattle my cage with a rage that boils deep inside me. I feel like I am going to explode. I catch myself "chewing" on myself. Yes. Okay, you do better. You walk around hearing human's hearts pumping that delicious life-giving juice that, if you were allowed to enjoy, would not only bring back your strength, beauty and drive but as you know bring an overwhelming release....try going without for so long that you wonder if you are still on this planet. You watch as everyone else around you eats/drinks to their hearts content while you sit on your hands, powerless. I am a monster, damn it! Why do I feel like a f^cking rabbit????? And where do the stinking witches come from? I realize they can sense our powers.... and their desire is to enslave a vampire master..... I want to drain them all.

Yes, My Trip Has Been Delayed

As with most of my bodily experiences on this planet, my plans are not what will actually happen. I had my trip figured out when I saw that stupid commercial for the sunscreen. But even before that, Master had doubts as to whether a trip during summer was a good idea. We normally go into a sort of hibernation so our chance of exposure is minimized. Usually that involves only going out for work (although I was laid off last summer...I keep hoping they will do that again. I am so tired of working for humans I could strike!) and hanging out in our top floor condo facing the ocean. We have thick dark drapes that keep that damned ball of gas from shining in, but in the evenings we enjoy watching the moon rise over the ocean, beautiful.

You may have noticed that I haven't mentioned my master much lately. I am angry at him. Not in the oh you left the refrigerator door open and my bag of juice spoiled mad, I am angry. He hasn't allowed me to feed in months now, but I see stains on the corner of his mouth. There is a churning deep inside...I feel his breaking from me ever since we hadn't performed our ceremony. Just when I think I cannot handle going without feeding, being pushed to my limit....

OH, and it feel like 95 degrees to humans, but I am chilled to the bone. I NEED TO FEED!!! [sigh] My flesh is ice cold to the touch, what blood is still running through my veins is purple, sluggish and void of life-force.

The sun is SO my enemy!!!

I watched a television commercial for a sunscreen that claims to be 100spf and I thought I would try it. After all, it had been ages since I had been out in the sunlight. But alas, I am toasted. After following the instructions on the container, I ventured outside...in the daylight. I will say that it was the longest I have been able to stay in direct sunlight without the aide of a large brim hat, long sleeve blouse, long slacks, covered shoes, very dark sunglasses and an umbrella. I lasted 5 minutes before my flesh started burning and another 4 minutes until I could smell skin roasting. Burning flesh is NOT a good scent. Perhaps it might work on cloudy days, but full sun is out of the question. This burning will take awhile to heal.

I guess the question is.....Why put myself in such danger? Good question, thank you for asking!

My response.... this human thing pisses me off. I know coming through gives us gifts that most minds wouldn't be able to comprehend, but I still feel the need to push the laws of nature... or maybe it's a self destructive tendency. Or more than likely it has to do with all of the concessions my mind has had to accept. Bacon, anybody?