No more protection

Once I have said this, I will not, can not take it back. So here it is:

I will no longer offer and give protection to ANY human.

There, done. You humans only repay my protection with hate. So what if my protection requires me to do things that your squeamish stomach can't handle. Who stinking cares if I do what only comes natural to me now.

You are food. Ranchers don't name their cattle, farmers don't name their fields of corn. And I don't care about human souls.

My need to blend in to society is not that great. I may work for you, but I am no longer loyal to you. I will even feed on you if the hunger strikes. Despise is the word that comes to mind when I think about how tolerant I have been over the years, but no more. I wash my hands of all humans. I will be going on a trip. First stop, Amsterdam! Then over to Japan to visit some non-humans I haven't seen in ages. Finally, a short stop in England to pick up a snack. Don't bother trying to search for me, I don't travel like humans do.

In case you are wondering, I have lost what remaining humanity for which I clung. Starvation does that to a vampire. Humans are food and I am hungry.

Less and Less Attached...

The hollowness is growing, but I have come to a level of numbness to this vacancy that the feeling is comforting. Darkness has become my security blanket. Most of the time I don't bother with lights. I shower in the dark, read with minimum illumination. The only way I can even function here at work is by making my workspace into a cave.


[I am in the process of purging my older drafts and thought I'd go ahead and post this one. It is incomplete, but I want to post it anyway. And after all, no reads this so who cares? Original date: 4/??/2010]

Seeing them go...

Every now and again the reality of my existence overwhelms me. Knowing that I will never see certain loved ones ever again empties what is left off my sanity and soul. Yes, I have my master and I love him dearly. But as the children I mothered disappear and their children gone, I feel like what humanity I had in me goes with them. Master still has living kin, he even sees them. However, I will not see mine...ever...again. That causes me to allow the monster that I truly am rule over me. I am no longer the sweet loving person I once was, I am the creature who cares for no one, loves no one, cherishes no one. Yes, I am hollow. Yes, I am lost to the darkness. And it is only a matter of time before Master gazes into my empty eyes for the last time and casts me deep into the night, forever. I am not the woman he fell in love with. Without anything or anyone to keep me human, I am repulsive.

Yet, there is this need to exsist. I don't want to have it. In all creatures this drive to continue on. So as long as my master will put up with me, I will go on. But I know that time is coming, I see signs of it even now. He won't let me feed, not really feed. I get "snacks" every now and again. But full blood feedings have stopped. By ignoring our ceremony that binds us together, he has told me that he is releasing me. OH, he hasn't said aloud, but keeping his back to me most of the time and choosing to do ANYTHING but be in me...He doesn't take care of me...take care of the needs that HE created...
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Christmas morning. Child received a puppy. It is cute and lovable. Yes, it pees on the carpet, but it makes up for it by being so adorable. It follows the child everywhere, just overjoyed to be in the child's presence. But as time goes on, the puppy grows and changes. But because the child didn't bother to fully train the puppy, it is now a large unruly animal with very destructive characteristics. It stopped peeing on the carpet, but it now chews everything. The child's favorite toys and clothing, even a treasured doll is stained with dog slobber. So the child makes the animal an outside pet. But the dog doesn't understand why. The only thing the child told the mammal not to do was pee on the carpet, now she is relegated to the backyard. She no longer gets the attention and love that was, at first, showered on her. Ripped from her mother's teet, and made into a pet, she now can't understand why her master shuns her and treats her like an annoyance and a burden. Cold and hungry, she slowly wastes away into a ravenous creature whose hunger and pain overpowers her and she strikes out at her master or anyone who tries to care for her.

Details

In my other blog, I detailed our account of what happened to the bad guy. But as you read, you will notice that he was only a small problem that will lead to much bigger situation. This is why we, as a general rule, don't get involved in matters of society or government. They only shed light on what needs to remain hidden.

Corey and other stuff

Corey Haim died. I was never a big fan, but he played in a movie I liked. Of course, I might have liked him more if he didn't play a vampire hunter. But that's the thing, people come in and out of our lives and for the most part, they leave little if any foot prints. Like Corey, I didn't know him, or a fan of his, but I will still mourn him. He was only 38. Peace.

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So, I mentioned that we went hunting the other evening. A villian needed vanquishing. I have written about it in my other blog.

It's coming

We will go hunting this evening. My hunger is too great. Master hasn't allowed me to feed in awhile. I am tired of behaving, being obedient. I want to rant, rave, scream! Bubbling just under the surface is a massive hunger, pleading with my sanity to let it loose. Oh, to run my nails over skin, feeling for a major artery. To reach over and kiss that tender soft covering. Brushing my lips across, feeling my prey's body arch and hear them softly moan. Not fully knowing how far I will take them. Smelling the excitement and fear coming out of every pore. Teasing myself in anticipation for the feasting. Forget about donors or volunteers, they don't taste right. I crave the raw, evil that can only come from night's host. They have decided to enter into our domain, they beg to be drained.

Days they go so fast

So it is the anniversary of my first birth. I won't say how old my birth certificate indicates. Paperwork nessesary to excist in this time period states that I am 43. Although, people are starting to notice that I don't look near that age, so soon I will have to rework it. I'll write more later.....